An Unsent E-Mail in My Outbox

To: AggressiveDriver@giantblackhummer.com
Cc: GasGuzzler@RedEscalade.com, JustBCyourSUVisExpensiveDoesn’tChangeYourMPG@MercedesM5.com, URguilty2@Landrover.com.


I couldn’t help but notice, when you so rudely (not to mention dangerously) cut me off on the beltway the other day that you were driving a giant red (atrocious-looking) hummer. Instead of being bitter and angry that you almost cost me my life and a huge increase in my insurance premiums, I simply wanted to ask a few questions to get to know you better, and even be gracious and magnanimous enough to offer you a few pearls of wisdom.


My questions for you are pretty straightforward:

1. Have you noticed that your “vehicle” (I use the term loosely in the case of your abomination) averages around 9-15 mpg?
2. Did you know that a very serious and real global warming is occurring mostly due to pollution and carbon emissions from “cars” like yours?
3. Are you aware your “vehicle” is entirely too big, taking up unnecessary amounts of space, creating more traffic, and making it difficult for other cars to maneuver in parking lots, residential streets, and even highways?
4. Can you think of a single reason, besides conspicuous consumption, why you would possibly need to drive a hummer, unless you are on active duty in the military?
5. Did you ever consider using a turn signal while on the highway or put any thought into possibly looking to see if anyone else might have had their turn signal on already, and might have been already halfway in the lane that you so ungracefully tried to maneuver into?
6. And then, afterwards, did you ever think about acknowledging your mistake or even giving a simple wave? No. You didn’t. You sped by obnoxiously only to be pulled over by a cop minutes later.


My advice for you is simple:

1. Take the bus, it will save the environment and possibly the lives of many people who run the risk of being mauled by a military capacity vehicle simply my driving on the same road as you.
2. Better yet, try an earth-friendly driving service like ours which uses only hybrid vehicles!
3. Try being genuinely nice and apologetic when you nearly decapitate people, because as you learned, what goes around comes around.



Thanks and have a GREAT day!